For those of you who don't know...

Many of you know because I've told you, but sometimes it's hard to remember who I've spoken to about it and who I haven't, BUT- for the official record (so no-one gets mad at me and accuses me with a "YOU NEVER TOLD MAAAI!!!!")

I'm leaving Korea and going home to live with my dad. Wednesday, as a matter of fact.

As you know, my family has being going through a really rough patch these past few months, and after many many weeks of contemplation, prayer and seeking the advice and counsel of the people closest to me, I've made the decision to leave Korea early and return home to be near my family.

It's definitely not what I had in mind when I signed up to teach for a year in Korea. This came out of no-where, and it hurt alot, and it hurts alot still. But part of what I believe love is involves making sacrifices and giving of one's self during the tough times. It's hard for me when my family is hurting to be on the other side of the world "discovering" myself.

If I were to stay, I would be able to only give about 50% to my job, friends, church and community. The other 50% would be back in Georgia with my family, constantly worrying about them and wishing I could be there when they needed me and when I needed them.

For those of you who know me, you know I don't do things 50%. And for this reason, I believe it's better for all parties involved (my Korean job, my family, my own sanity) to just come home. 

But I just want to make sure that everyone knows one thing- 

this is not an admission of defeat. This is not me caving in and giving up on my dreams because I've been defeated by hurt and darkness.On the contrary, I sincerely and earnestly believe deep down in my spirit that this is a springboard for a time of restoration, redemption, healing, and joy.

I'll be home on Wednesday.

See you then.

--Josh--     

Currently A Spot of Bother (Vintage) By Mark Haddon see related

Letters to Santa

Currently Sunwheel Dance By Bruce Cockburn see related

"We have the light..."

On Friday we had a teacher sports day here at Yeouido High School. All the male teachers played softball in the athletic field in between the two main buildings, and the women played "foot baseball" (kickball) in a very hilarious, unathletic, and awkward fashion in the field next to us (which was nearly as entertaining as playing softball).

All of the teachers somehow expected me to be as good as A-Rod, since I am, after all, American. But I haven't played baseball since the 1995 season in the Dalton parks and recreation pitching machine league at Al Rollins Park. Needless to say, my skills were a little rusty. 

My career stats as a softball player in Korea: A pop fly out in the top of the 2nd, a field error in the bottom of the 3rd when the ball bounced right out of my glove (the Koreans screamed "NOOOO JOSSSH-EE!!!!" in agony as I awkwardly fumbled the ball before finally throwing to the third baseman), a ground out in the 3rd, and hit by a pitch (yep, you read right) in the top of the 5th.

We ended the very cold competition with hot fish soup and makgeolli prepared for us under a tent near the edge of the field. Maybe now the Koreans know that all Americans being amazing at baseball is only a stereotype, and that some are really out of practice/have no fine motor skills.

Life has been like a whirlwind the past month or so. I've done a lot of amazing, interesting things that I haven't had time to blog about but definitely will remember to speak of in stories for anyone who asks me in person. I've found a really great church that I've gotten really involved in, and I've learned enough Korean culture and language to feel very comfortable and confident in my everyday life.

But, as some of you know, a few unexpected things have come up. I have debated actually writing about them in my blog because I know a lot of people read my blog and it's all been of a very personal matter. But soon enough, it's going to be public information, so I'll just come right out and say it. I found out on Halloween that my parents have filed for a divorce. Which doesn't really come as a surprise for me, considering their marriage has been on the rocks for the past few years. But it still was very shocking and it hurts a lot, in all honesty.

So that changes things about me being on the other side of the world. Because it makes whoever gets custody of Jonathan and JoAnna (12 and 14 years old) basically, a single parent. And right now, it's looking like my dad will probably get custody rights. So...there are decisions to make.

I could go on talking about how I feel and don't feel about everything for hours and it probably still wouldn't make any sense at all. All I can say is that it is what it is and God's still in control. And for that, I'm grateful. I have an incredible, even sometimes illogical peace about everything that has happened. I think I can speak for all of my siblings when I say that we are strangely feeling a sense of relief in that the worst part is over, after deliberating for the better part of two years, and we can now hopefully move on as a family towards restoration and rebuilding.

I have appreciated more than I even understand all the prayer and support I've gotten from people in the past few weeks. It's times like these when you really find out who your true friends are, and not just your acquaintances who call themselves friends but are there only for the good times. And I'm so grateful for the people that God has placed in my life that are more of the former than the latter.

So basically, that's what has been happening in my life over the past month or so.

And I'm putting this on my blog, not to garner a bunch of "Oh Josh, I'm soooooo sorrrry!!! God loooooooves yooooooou and so doooo I!" atypical this-is-what-you're-supposed-to-say-when-someone-goes-through-tough-times responses that make me want to vomit in my mouth. So if you're thinking about offering one, you can save it, because we're all quite alright without. I'm writing this only because this is a huge deal in my family, therefore a huge occurence in my life. This is going to change everything about my life, like it or not.

I'm not writing this either to bash any member of my family either. I love every member of my family equally, regardless of anything any of them have or haven't done. In the midst of everything that's happened, we've only grown closer, and for that I'm so incredibly grateful.

This is life. And, I for one, choose to have hope. And faith. I have a Light inside of me in the midst of darkness, and it's to that Light I owe my life, my love, and my all.

--Josh--  

Currently Church Music By David Crowder Band see related

Makgeolli is good for the large intestine.

On Friday I got to go on my first Korean field trip. We went to an international festival in Incheon, which is about an hour bus ride from our school.

It was definitely a great break from the day to day routine of teaching and sitting at my desk, planning for after school classes (which I'm now teaching every day).

After touring some of the exhibits all morning, we sat down for an awesome lunch of Korean BBQ. The men all ordered makgeolli, which is a type of rice wine/beer hybrid that is very tasty and has a very distinct flavor to it. 

After pouring me a bowl (and yes, it is served in a bowl), one of my co-teacher's explained to me-

"Josh-y, makgeolli is....eehhhh.....mmmm....good for the....eeeh....mmmm.....large intestine?"

To which, I almost spewed my makgeolli mid-drink back into the bowl. 

He continued (quite seriously, I might add)-

"You see, many times-ah, eeeeh.....there is, a kind of, blockage....where...you cannot expel waste-ah!"

I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I was trying so hard to keep it together and not break down in laughter, because to the middle aged Korean men who were sitting around the table, this was a serious topic of conversation that should be taken seriously.

And then he asked-

"How can you say this in English-y?"

I was biting down the corners of my mouth to keep from cracking up. I cleared my throat and offered the word-

"Constipation."

Hoping somehow this would end the conversation. But apparently, "constipation" is a very interesting sounding word to Koreans, and they all repeated it with great delight. And then, the co-teacher who had initially introduced the topic of colon blockage to our dinner table conversation pulled out his pocket electronic dictionary and typed in the word, to which a computerized voice repeated over and over-

"Constipation, constipation, constipation, constipation."

It was at that point I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face. They couldn't understand why either. But even after my meltdown, I had to explain to each of them the verb forms of the word, as well as their appropriate use in a sentence.

"Soooo...." My co-teacher concluded at the end of our very unique vocabulary lesson.

"Makgeolli is good for...con-sti-pa-shun!!"

He smiled triumphantly as he folded his hands in his lap following his proud declaration.

I thought I was going to fall off my chair.

I'm learning something new every single day.

--Josh--   

Currently No Man Is an Island By Thomas Merton see related

Weekend Smeekend.

I need a couch.

Every night I talk to Jenni on skype while I'm lying on my stomach, or sometimes my side. And it's really starting to hurt. No really. The muscles in the back of my head, my neck, and my shoulders are all knotted up and mangled like a Rold Gold pretzel. No me gusto. I need a massag-ee.

Work is going amazing, I'm still loving teaching ESL and Korea. This week has been absolutely crazy, due to the fact that I have after school classes every day. Tuesdays and Thursdays are the hardest. I teach clases all day, have an after school class from 4:00-5:30, and then another after school class at the girls high school from 6:00-7:00. Yowsers.

The girls' class is a lot of fun. They're so different from the guys and really want to hear about my girlfriend. The guys just want to talk about sports and "Megan Fox-ah!". 

My weekend plans just went through two major re-adjustments in the last 14 hours, so as of yet, I'm still not sure how I'm going to spend my off time. Hmmmm....I'll figure something out.

The book "No Man is an Island" by Thomas Merton is changing my life. I've read bits of it before, but for some reason I never really "got" it. I think now I've seen enough of what isn't love and what isn't life to understand that both require sacrifice. And Merton's thoughts on the subject are absolutely some of the most profound, God inspired musings I've ever considered.

Happy weekend everybody!

--Josh--